Modern Marriage is Pretty Broken

It was late. I was in a soft cocoon of a hotel bed, only half awake, looping on what a waste it was to be on vacation with a woman I loved, who I wanted to be with, and feel so... bad.

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My wife and I fought earlier. It was an old fight, one in which we knew all the lines, saw it coming, and played it out anyway. I was so tired of feeling unable to fix it.

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It was embarrassing to feel powerless to change the feeling between us. I used to be emotionally intelligent—at least, I wanted to think so–but here I was, expecting to waste our ‘quality time’ in a beautiful place, distant and disconnected.

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I got married because I dreamed of creating a happy, vibrant life that included a happy marriage and family, but I had fumbled it somehow. The next day, I expected to go through the motions, trying to hide from the kids that we were both frustrated and hurt.

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I like trying to fix broken things, and I like the meaning I get from helping. I’ve always been an entrepreneur, but this isn’t something I will figure out on my own. As I’ve opened up about my struggles with marriage and tried to ‘fix’ myself and my marriage, it’s become clear that I’m not the only one frustrated.

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The more honest I am with friends, the more I hear back similar stories. Lots of us are falling short of our dreams for our primary relationships.

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𝙈𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣.

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Reading provides plenty of reasons. Our expectations have never been higher. We now marry, as Alain de Botton puts it, “... to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us.”

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But then we work too much, don’t know ourselves, and overparent our kids to their detriment (and ours).

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We drift apart and find it lonelier than expected to be with the same person every day. We distract ourselves with Netflix, wine, scrolling, and living through our kids.

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So, how do we improve modern marriage?

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I am going to explore this question in the hopes of finding clean, useful, and efficient solutions to the messy realities. There have to be better options than what’s currently available.

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Let's try to fix the mess of modern marriage together. If you're navigating similar struggles or want to improve your relationship, join me.

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Comment below, share a story, or just say you're in. I’m eager to exchange ideas, share insights, and explore solutions.

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What if talking openly is the first step towards making things better?