The "Be A Man" Trap

Dana White doesn't want to ever (f'n) talk about his feelings with another (f'n) dude. . . He's that guy. It drives his wife (f'n) crazy. . .

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Internal Family Systems therapy was developed in the 80s. It's based on the idea that we all have a bunch of parts in our heads—each with its own memories, feelings, and perspectives. Having a hard time sorting your feelings? It might be because you are experiencing life through a number of parts, each with a different perspective.

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One of my challenges, and I think I'm not alone, is that I have a Dana White part living in my head. It tells me to shut the fuck up and be a man.

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I heard my father swear for the first time when I was 15. I was sure that meant we were going to die because if he lost his cool, well, that was obviously the worst thing that had ever happened.

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He didn't mean to tell me I shouldn't have or show emotions; he just showed me that being stoic meant being a man. Like Dana, whatever my father may have felt, he had a family to provide for, so he sucked it up and went to work.

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This approach makes for a lonely marriage. It's a recipe for growing apart.

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Even Dana seems pretty clear on this.

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But many of us had fathers like my dad. Many of our young men are seeing Dana preach on TikTok.

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We all have work to do, but not the kind Dana is talking about.

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